The Mark That Marked My Pride (Blogpost #7)

Creative: Describe a moment in your life where, like Marner you have been horrified, shocked by the loss of something that has been desperately dear to you. (In Marner’s case it was his gold)

 

 

Hubris. Do you know what that is? I didn’t, not until studying drama. I didn’t know until then that the Greeks had a word for pride before we gave pride its proper name. But that’s exactly what it is, a swelling, overwhelming, foolish feeling of pride. It’s both an angel and devil, sitting on your shoulder. It motivates you, but overwhelms you.

 

I think there’s a certain sense of elevation when enrolling in certain subjects at school that are labelled as ‘nerdy’ subjects. It should be mentioned, that I am in love with English. Not necessarily the language, but the study of English literature itself. I lived and breathed books, literally. I was constantly out of money because it just went towards books to fill up my bookshelf with. So, it was a given that I enrolled to take up not only Advanced English, but English Extension One and Two. However, because of this excessive amount of English that I was studying, I developed an amazing sense of pride over my favourite subject.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I was good at it. My grades weren’t perfect but they were something to be extremely happy with. Yet I let the little angel/devil on my shoulder tell me that I was more than just good at it. In fact, I found it easy. I held this mindset throughout Year 11 and into my second assignment, where not only was I confident in my ability to conjure up an essay out of thin air, but it was an analysis of one of my favourite films. I worked hard on that essay, but in very little time. But I really enjoyed the subject, why shouldn’t I get top marks? My inflated ego let me believe that I’d pass with flying colours. I remember submitting that assignment, and the grin that spread across my face. I felt unstoppable, like I was only gaining more and more wisdom as I went along. I felt almost… powerful. It was like I was collecting top marks left and right. After all, the year had so far given me a streak of impressive scores across all my English subjects.

 

Receiving results however, was a different story. The thud of my five-page-essay on my table was as light as a feather until I realised the weight of a fail on the top of the paper. Scribbled in red ink, it felt like the blood in my veins had been drawn out and splattered out in front of me; my entire life force just felt… drained. I remember blinking profusely, thinking my contact lenses were playing up on me. It was a speck of dust caught in the idle, surely. Or some weird reflection of light. No amount of blinking or turning the paper could minimise the cut that paper had on my now-deflated pride. My streak of amazing grades was broken. Unable to process it, it took me weeks of talking to my teacher to work out how I ended up in such a miserable place. Imagine raising a child for 17 years, and right before they’re legally allowed to go off on their own, you’re told you cannot look after that child anymore. I felt that part of me that I had nurtured and raised throughout my education ripped from my grasp, ripped from my neat little folders and swallowed by a gaping black hole of shame.

 

I think that bad experience was enough to tame my pride. Not destroy it, just control it. Pride isn’t a bad thing, I won’t tell you that, but it slaps you in the face and tells you to wake up. It just does it in a way that we need, not the way we’d want it to.

 

 

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20 thoughts on “The Mark That Marked My Pride (Blogpost #7)

  1. Hey Danielle,

    Your blog post this week was soooooooo relatable! We fall into the trap of over confidence and I really think it’s disheartening when things don’t go to plan. I am happy to see though that you bounced back and you kept going with your literary studies 🙂

    Just make sure you’re proof reading your grammar and spelling!

    Keep up the good work xx

    https://daniellegattlit.wordpress.com/2017/05/07/the-mark-that-marked-my-pride-blogpost-7/#more-213

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Danielle,

    Your first paragraph, which sounds to me like a conversation you are having with your reader is very compelling and it drew me in to continue reading intensively and closely.

    You have some outstanding skills in using language to express your emotions, your constant use of language techniques such as metaphor and similarly makes your writing better than you can imagine (even after getting that unsatisfying mark for your essay at school.) One time fail should never be given the power of allowing it to tear yourself apart and drain your energy, because you do not know what you did wrong. However, I can also understand how heartbroken and shocking that bad experience was especially when you believed in yourself to an extremely high point.

    I’m glad that the results of that experience didn’t stop you from believing in yourself, instead it awakened you and made you aware that it is okay for things to go wrong at times, because pride, leads to geocentricism but it can make things more fixable.

    You have such a creative way of writing, keep doing it. Looking forward to read more from you.

    Regards,
    Ashureena

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This was an extremely captivating piece. Perhaps because I feel you described a similar situation to my own during high school that I was truly engaged within your blog post. You set the scene impeccably. This notion of pride is an extremely dangerous one, and I like that you capture the cockiness that it leads to. Having completed Ext2 English as well, there is a certain amount of expectation. The expectation for you to receive good marks, but as well as you ‘expect’ to receive the best marks. When this isn’t the case, there is nothing to describe that gut wrenching feeling. This was extremely emotive. I was completely shocked coming out of your piece. Thank you for this reminder. It is definitely a warning to head.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Danielle,
    This is such a great read and also relatable. I experienced this as well back in high school, getting bad marks in english even though I thought I nailed it. I think it’s important to remember grades does not define how good your work is, because the only thing they can base it on to judge is the marking criteria. If you are happy with it then that’s all that matters. Your use of vocabulary made it compelling to read and you had a nice flow overall to keep me interested. It was far from being boring. I also liked your internal monologues, it gave a personal effect that I really like. I like using internal monologues too for that same reason. Keep up the good work!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Danielle, congratulations for your piece of writing!

    I literally re-read it four times because I loved it! I think you taught us an important lesson, especially in the end when you state “Pride isn’t a bad thing, I won’t tell you that, but it slaps you in the face and tells you to wake up. It just does it in a way that we need, not the way we’d want it to.” I think we can all learn something from your experience.

    I love your style of writing, I can tell that you read a lot of books and I think you acquired amazing language skills throughout your study path; your piece of writing was so easy to read, it seemed to me like a conversation, but at the same time rich in details and a colourful language.

    I appreciated a lot seeing confidence in what you wrote. I personally think that we all should be a bit more confident in ourselves and our skills, determination and self esteem are extremely important in order to succeed and it’s exactly what makes the difference. It is so admirable to see how much effort and passion you put into things you love. I had a similar experience, but in sports and I really know how it feels like.
    The determination and the grit of a person comes out in difficult moments where we feel vulnerable. And from your story I see you didn’t lose your drive, even the bad news and that’s what makes you the strong person you are!

    Great work!

    Beatrice

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Danielle,

    Wow! Just wow!! I loved this blog post because it was something I did not see coming. When I first read the question on this post, I thought you would be talking about something that is materialistic like Silas Marner’s case would be gold. But this blew me away, the fact that you spoke about pride being the one thing that you valued the most and how it was destroyed by your ego. I really loved the story your brought into this post because like others have already said, it does relate to us. I know personally my pride has been destroyed by my ego, so I can also relate to this story. The post really flowed through and kept that same motion throughout the whole story.

    Honestly, I couldn’t really see any flaws in the post. Only thing I would say, is that I would’ve added more to your last paragraph. I would’ve liked if you adapted more on how the events have affected your pride.

    Other than that, great work!

    Josh

    Like

  7. Hi Danielle!

    This post was not what I was expecting!! When I read the question on Michael’s blog post I was thinking that if I was to write about it I would definitely have to write about something physical I lost or someone I lost. I would never have thought to write about a subject at school or an emotion. I absolutely love that you wrote about your pride and how it helped you to be level minded again. The way you started the post really set the mood for the rest of it and I think it was a really good idea. I love Greek drama and Hubris really does encompass what you were feeling. I also enjoyed the way you summarised it at the end, speaking about how your pride wasn’t destroyed but it woke you up!

    Like I said, wasn’t what I was expecting but definitely a pleasant surprise.

    Alana

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Powerful entry with a strong message. But Danielle, for some reason your drop-down menus are not working on my computer so I am having to pick what I think are your best…. sorry!!!
    MG
    *Please attend to editing your work carefully. Here is what I have picked up:
    *it just went towards books to fill up my bookshelf with. = it just went towards books to fill up my bookshelf.

    Like

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