Up! Up! My friend, and Quit Your Books… (Peer review #1)

Marija,

This post was really intriguing, and enjoyable to read! I found myself thoroughly engaged with the idea of fear in exploration- or specifically, the fear of exploring new concepts- from the mention of being afraid. The sentence structure really played on this also; as each line became shorter it narrowed the reader down to the most minute concepts of fear and what it does to a person (E.g. causes a forgetfulness to breathe, requiring a conscious effort and one’s on instructions directed towards themselves to do so). The progression from fear to recollection was also prevalent, which in a short piece of prose allowed for readers to go on a worthwhile journey, despite the restriction of word length given. Each word played a purpose in that journey and avoided waffling; yet still presented a detailed idea on the fears of exploring the unknown. The use of onomatopoeia at one point was also quite effective, as it strengthened the imagery you already had running throughout your piece. The same effect goes for your use of punctuation to differentiate different moods, feelings and tones from the narrator, which made the piece that much more intriguing!

If you were to work on this piece again to improve on it, I would look at the use of rhetorical question in it as of now, and repeat this technique throughout, as I really enjoyed the phrase, “What is that sound you hear?” as for me, it was a pivotal point of the narrator relaxing into a state of recollection. Rhetorical question could potentially really help in lifting the already existing conveyance of fear versus getting over that fear, for the narrator in the text, and be used as a means for the narrator to real a state of complete calm and understanding.

I hope this helps!

-Danielle

alice_in_wonderland_magic_book_by_acidburn08
(Credit: Acid Burn at http://acidburn08.deviantart.com/art/Alice-in-Wonderland-Magic-Book-166808230 Accessed: 26/03/2017)

(This is a peer review for the following blog post: https://marijasimonovska.wordpress.com/2017/03/18/up-up-my-friend-and-quit-your-books/ )

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One thought on “Up! Up! My friend, and Quit Your Books… (Peer review #1)

  1. This is an awesome peer review Danielle! You have worked hard to give constructive and positive feedback to Marija! Thank you! But I encourage you to be more concise and succinct. Try to express the essence of what you have to say in a shorter space. This may take longer, but will be really worthwhile and, in the end, more useful to your reader: small is beautiful!
    MG

    Like

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